Lazy Sunday

Three people sick = no church = lots of naps and a game of Settlers!

Breathe

"Just breathe."  That is what I keep telling myself these days.  And "pray."  I seem to pray more lately, for lots of reasons.   Moving twice, driving to the school three times a day (1.5 hours total) and working 15 hours a week are just a few of the reasons.  This is not me complaining, it's more that I am trying to sort out how I am going to juggle it all.

There are times we get time to breathe more slowly. Like last week. Mike's parents came for a visit and so did his Aunt Sherrill.   They do so much around here and the kids are outnumbered so there are plenty of adult hands to keep little hands busy and out of trouble.  And there was no school.  So we got to sleep in and not rush in the morning.

We had General Conference recently. That's where the leaders of the LDS Church meet together and give talks about how to keep our lives balanced and all sorts of wonderfully inspiring thoughts.  I always love General Conference.  I was motivated to do better at logging our family's history, that is, keeping up the family blog a little better.  I was also inspired that if I had enough time to log on to Facebook or browse through my smartphone several times a day,  I should have enough time to fit in better scripture study.  This has caused me to read or listen to the scriptures instead of looking at Facebook so often.  I have noticed that I feel more patient, more grounded, more centered because of this.  General Conference, what a blessing.  The gospel is such a blessing in my life.  It is my source for peace, for joy, for comfort and for guidance.  If I need to find an answer to a deep pondering in my heart, I can always find it through scripture study, prayer or when I attend church.  As I look back on my short 36 years of life, everything good has come into my life because of the church.  Most importantly, my husband and children.

This is completely off-topic, but my mom has come to stay with us for a while to save some money.  She has been a big help.  She loves to dive into all kinds of little projects for me and helps with all sorts of little tasks that can pile up quick, like the laundry.  It may not seem like a big deal to her, but it means a lot to me.  She just quietly goes around to each room when she sees dirty clothes piling up and gets them washed.  I know I do not tell her often enough, but I sure appreciate all she does.  So, Mom if you are reading this, THANK YOU.

And one more thing, our new neighbors have been so nice.  Especially in our church.  I keep shaking my head in amazement at how warm and inviting they have all been.  We got a plate a cookies the second day we lived here from a family that lives behind us.  Our next door neighbor shoveled our walks when Mike was at work.  Michaela has a whole gaggle of friends, she is never wanting for a playmate.  (Of course, it helps she is our little social butterfly).  She may drive me crazy, but she is very open and people just love to be near her.  She is also a good little cleaner--she is my best dish dryer and organizer.  Love you, Michaela. Well, I diverge.  Yes, we are quickly coming to love our new neighborhood.  It was terribly, terribly hard to leave Harvest Hills.  I have had a few nights I have had to cry because I wish I could magically make our new larger house that we love appear on our old street.  I am tearing up now.  I just loved all of our neighbors there.

Ahaha, this day is almost officially over and our boys will be bursting through our bedroom door in less than seven hours.

Michaela Turns 5!

November 6, 2012 Michaela Ann Kessel turned the big 5.  She is growing into such a little lady.  This last year we have seen a little less sass and a little more lady.  Michaela has turned into quite the little social butterfly.  She makes friends wherever she goes, with her infectious smile and creative imagination, it's not hard to like her. She is going to preschool and enjoys that.  Her favorite things lately are to dress up and dance and sing, draw, write little notes and color.

For her birthday party she wanted a Barbie Princess and the Popstar.  (It's a movie.  Even the boys like it!)  She invited the girls from her preschool class and a few from our old neighborhood along with all her cousins.  We started off making bead necklaces then watched the movie, opened gifts and played games.    We had such a great time and appreciate what wonderful friends and family we have in our lives.

Opening presents on her birthday--thank you everyone for all the gifts!

The party stuff 

Making necklaces

Making her necklace

Blowing out her candles

Michaela in her popstar outfit and new necklace she made

I'm 5!

She loves to dress up in some of the silliest outfits.

Normal?

One thing we discovered this last year is that Jake talks a lot in his sleep and does some mild sleep walking.  I talked with the pediatrician and he told me not to worry about, it was perfectly normal.

Um, okay.  What about this:

It's 10 PM at night, and I'm just browsing Facebook.  Jake comes in with his PJ top on, but nothing else.  "Jake, you okay?"  He blinks at me and mumbles something about his leg.  We walk upstairs, I give him Tylenol, and ask him, "Jake, where are your pants and underwear?"  He blinks at me again and mumbles something incomprehensible and just stands there.  I walk him up to bed, and he crawls in and pulls the covers over him.  "Um...Jake," I whisper, "You need to get some pants on."  He gets up, flips on the light even though his older brother is dead asleep (thankfully) on the top bunk.  I quickly flip it off.  He just stands there looking at me and gets back into bed.  I fumble around in the dark and find some underwear in his drawer, put them on and cover him while I try to stifle my laughter.

Judging

We've sold and moved out of our cute little house on Floribunda Drive.  Yesterday was the big moving day. In all the hustle and bustle it is easy to forget about others and their needs.  But thankfully, today, I was blessed with the opportunity to be reminded that others have such heavy silent burdens and that I need to reach out in kindness, in love and with acceptance.

When we found out that we were going to need to move out of our house sooner than expected, we looked at five or so rental places.  One place, just felt right.  One other place, logically made a little more sense, it was closer to the kids school, and had the same price tag, similar features and layout, but the first one just felt right.  I tried to convince myself that the one closer to the kids' school was the right choice.  But I wasn't successful.  Something was off, and I didn't know why.  Mike and I both felt good about the one a little further away.  We signed a lease, put down our deposit and began our flurried preparations for the move.

Each day this past week, I prayed each morning to know who I could help.  I felt a little funny asking for that because I knew we probably were the ones that needed help getting moved.  I had made a promise to pray for this, though.  Most days, I tried to be aware of others needs.  Especially the kids.  Yesterday was hectic, naturally, and I am sure there really weren't too many people's needs I concerned myself with.

As we moved in the rental, the kids played out front.  Soon, they made friends with four other siblings.  Three boys and a little girl.  Today, these siblings reappeared and came into our house, and stayed.  They were all polite, but a little bold.  I was a little taken back by them.  The oldest boy kept asking me all sorts of questions about different gadgets I had laying around as I unpacked boxes.  At times, I found myself judging him a little and getting a tiny bit impatient because I just wanted to be about my business.

When it came time for us to eat dinner, I politely told them we were going to eat and then get everyone ready for bed, but they were welcome to come another time.  The youngest girl, did not want to leave.  She began making excuses.  I listened and said, "I know it's hard to leave when you are having a good time, but we need to eat and get to bed because the boys have to get up super early to go to school."

"Well, I don't want to go home because my dad's sleepin' and I am not supposed to wake him up."  I thought maybe the dad had kicked them all outside and told them to leave him alone or some other judgemental thought like that.

I got a little firmer and encouraged her to pick up the toys and come back another day.  She stomped her foot and said, "No, I don't want to leave! I TOLD YOU MY DAD'S SLEEPIN'!"

I replied, "Well, maybe I should walk over and talk with your mom since your dad's not awake."

She yelled back, "My mom's dead!"

She's only about four, so I thought she was fibbing so that she could stay.  Her six year old sweet brother piped in, "Yea, my mom died and went to paradise."

I sucked in my breath.  Caleb frankly said, "How did she die?'

"She wasn't wearing a seat belt and she hit some ice. The other car landed on top of her and killed her."

He put his arm around his little sister and soothingly said, "Come on, we need to go.  I know you want to play, but it's time to go home now."

Caleb informed me that they had just moved here from Colorado a few days ago.

I was humbled by all this information.  Here I was judging and being a little impatient with all four kids.  When really all they need is love.  Isn't it interesting how different people seem in  your eyes when you come to know them a little better?

I pray that when I ask to know who I can help today, that my mind's filter will be removed and I can truly 'see' other's souls around me so that I may come to truly love them as the Master loves each of us.

Reading

Today I have been in a foul mood.  I get like this sometimes and I don't even know why.  Please tell me other people get this way, too!  My husband never seems to.  Which is wonderful and makes me very glad I married him, but it also makes me feel very guilty that I get this way.  I slept well last night, don't have much to be worried about.  Our family life is great.  Things are going rather smoothly, actually.  "What in the dickens is the matter with me?" I ask myself at times like this.  But for some reason, I am just "off."  I snapped at the kids and growled about unimportant things like the fact that the kids have left toothpaste all over the bathroom sink, yet again!

Okay, so now that you think I am the worst mother in the world, let me tell you why I am writing this post.  Given my mental state, I was tempted to just get the kids into bed, give them each a quick kiss goodnight and veg out in front of the TV watching shallow shows that don't even really make me feel better.  But I knew from experience that if I skipped our routine, the kids would take longer going to sleep and I get more and more frustrated and we would end the day on one long sour note.  You will see how the children ended up making my day as they have so many times in the past.

Instead of giving in to this very strong temptation I've skipping the bedtime routine, I decided to read to each of them in their rooms, sing them a song and tuck them in.  I started with Emily.  She began screaming at me because she knew that once I started reading, it wasn't long after that she would be in her room alone and wouldn't be able to pillage the house again until morning.  I wanted so desperately to just plop her in her bed, blow her a kiss and say a terse, "Good night."  But I kept at it.  My voice wasn't particularly soothing as I read "Are You My Mother" twice in a row.  As I began singing, she really started squirming trying to get free.  She kept saying, "NO! NO!"  I firmly said, "Do you want to be put in your bed then?"  She shook her head and settled in to my chest.  I finished singing, "Abide With Me 'Tis Eventide," the song I have sung all the kids as babies whenI put them to bed.  Still I felt off.  I placed her in bed and she immediately jumped up hanging on to her crib railing, "Mommy!!!!"  I closed the door, sighed and walked on to Michaela's room.  I snuggled with her and read a story about Ariel and Flounder from the Little Mermaid.  When I asked her what song she would like she said, "Bye To Me."

"Uh? I don't know that song."

"You know, Mommy, the one you always sing Enily."  (She always replaces the 'm' in "Emily.)

"Oh, 'Abide With Me'?"

"Yes!  That's the one!"

I sang to her and as I bent to hug her goodnight, she wrapped her arms around my neck and said, "I'm sorry for everything I did bad today, Mommy."  Ah...these are the times when I just want to crawl under a rock where I belong.  I was the one that needed to be apologizing.

I walked to the boys' room and was bracing myself for squeals of laughter and objects flying around the room, which happens so often.  But they were both sitting on their beds talking. I asked, "Do you guys want me to read another chapter from 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe'?"

"Yes! Yes! Please!"

We started it a few nights ago, but I wasn't sure if they were really getting into it or not.  It was a book I had loved as a child, and hoped to share it with them.  Pleased, that they seemed to be enjoying it, I cuddled up with them on the floor and read one chapter.  As I closed the book, Caleb pleaded, "Can't we just read one more, please???"  It was a short chapter so I agreed.  When finished, both boys were asking, "Does Edmund really bring Lucy, Susan and Peter to the White Witch?  Does he, Mom? "  I smiled and said, "You will just have to wait and see."  They sighed and crawled into bed.

Next, I scratched their backs and sang "Silent Night."  When I kissed them good night, I realized I felt happy, joyful and not "off" anymore.  I should have taken a moment earlier in the day to just pause, and do something with the children, maybe I would have started having a better sooner than when it's about over.  Children have some type of magic that helps you forget all the silly troubles that seem so important yet are not.  They live in the moment.  I pray that I can do that more often.

Sleeping

What is it about watching my children sleep that makes it seem like I've done something right?  Sometimes I sneak in their rooms as they sleep just so I can get the rejuvenation I need.  On the days Mike works his 24 hour fire shifts, life can get pretty crazy.  Especially around dinner and bedtime.  I've been trying to make it less so, or at least that is my goal.  Some nights I do alright by myself and some nights I don't.  Some nights we are laughing and enjoying each other, and some nights I want to quickly put them all in their beds, shut the door, turn out the lights and breathe.  On those nights, I need to sneak in their rooms and watch and notice.  Notice that Jake sleeps pretty much in the same spot he fell asleep.  Notice that Caleb is all over the bed.  His covers every which way.  Notice that Em sticks her bum in the air with her face smooshed up against the mattress with her mouth open and drooling.  Notice that Michaela likes to sleep in tight ball.  Her baby blankie as her only cover.  Notice their innocence.  And remember.  Remember that they are our gift. Remember that they are the best thing we have ever done.  Remember that I need to be a little better for them.  Remember how much richness they bring to my life.  Remember that they are the reason I stay up late cutting up little cheese triangles to put on top of our 4th of July Hot Dog Skewered Rockets.  Remember how deeply I love them!