Reading

Today I have been in a foul mood.  I get like this sometimes and I don't even know why.  Please tell me other people get this way, too!  My husband never seems to.  Which is wonderful and makes me very glad I married him, but it also makes me feel very guilty that I get this way.  I slept well last night, don't have much to be worried about.  Our family life is great.  Things are going rather smoothly, actually.  "What in the dickens is the matter with me?" I ask myself at times like this.  But for some reason, I am just "off."  I snapped at the kids and growled about unimportant things like the fact that the kids have left toothpaste all over the bathroom sink, yet again!

Okay, so now that you think I am the worst mother in the world, let me tell you why I am writing this post.  Given my mental state, I was tempted to just get the kids into bed, give them each a quick kiss goodnight and veg out in front of the TV watching shallow shows that don't even really make me feel better.  But I knew from experience that if I skipped our routine, the kids would take longer going to sleep and I get more and more frustrated and we would end the day on one long sour note.  You will see how the children ended up making my day as they have so many times in the past.

Instead of giving in to this very strong temptation I've skipping the bedtime routine, I decided to read to each of them in their rooms, sing them a song and tuck them in.  I started with Emily.  She began screaming at me because she knew that once I started reading, it wasn't long after that she would be in her room alone and wouldn't be able to pillage the house again until morning.  I wanted so desperately to just plop her in her bed, blow her a kiss and say a terse, "Good night."  But I kept at it.  My voice wasn't particularly soothing as I read "Are You My Mother" twice in a row.  As I began singing, she really started squirming trying to get free.  She kept saying, "NO! NO!"  I firmly said, "Do you want to be put in your bed then?"  She shook her head and settled in to my chest.  I finished singing, "Abide With Me 'Tis Eventide," the song I have sung all the kids as babies whenI put them to bed.  Still I felt off.  I placed her in bed and she immediately jumped up hanging on to her crib railing, "Mommy!!!!"  I closed the door, sighed and walked on to Michaela's room.  I snuggled with her and read a story about Ariel and Flounder from the Little Mermaid.  When I asked her what song she would like she said, "Bye To Me."

"Uh? I don't know that song."

"You know, Mommy, the one you always sing Enily."  (She always replaces the 'm' in "Emily.)

"Oh, 'Abide With Me'?"

"Yes!  That's the one!"

I sang to her and as I bent to hug her goodnight, she wrapped her arms around my neck and said, "I'm sorry for everything I did bad today, Mommy."  Ah...these are the times when I just want to crawl under a rock where I belong.  I was the one that needed to be apologizing.

I walked to the boys' room and was bracing myself for squeals of laughter and objects flying around the room, which happens so often.  But they were both sitting on their beds talking. I asked, "Do you guys want me to read another chapter from 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe'?"

"Yes! Yes! Please!"

We started it a few nights ago, but I wasn't sure if they were really getting into it or not.  It was a book I had loved as a child, and hoped to share it with them.  Pleased, that they seemed to be enjoying it, I cuddled up with them on the floor and read one chapter.  As I closed the book, Caleb pleaded, "Can't we just read one more, please???"  It was a short chapter so I agreed.  When finished, both boys were asking, "Does Edmund really bring Lucy, Susan and Peter to the White Witch?  Does he, Mom? "  I smiled and said, "You will just have to wait and see."  They sighed and crawled into bed.

Next, I scratched their backs and sang "Silent Night."  When I kissed them good night, I realized I felt happy, joyful and not "off" anymore.  I should have taken a moment earlier in the day to just pause, and do something with the children, maybe I would have started having a better sooner than when it's about over.  Children have some type of magic that helps you forget all the silly troubles that seem so important yet are not.  They live in the moment.  I pray that I can do that more often.