Yesterday one my friends shared a link to the article, "
The Power of the Mundane: Why I Love Housekeeping http://frugalfaye.com/2011/11/04/why-i-love-housekeeping/. It was a good reminder about why I chose to quit my teaching career and stay at home when our first son arrived. It reminded me that the mundane daily housekeeping duties I do communicate to my children and husband that I love them and care about them--that I care if they have clean underwear, sheets, towels and toilets--if nothing else for their health.
It also helped me re-center. Sometimes I get caught up my own interests and can be a little obsessive about those interests; unfortunately, those people that are most important to me are not treated as the important people that they are when I get this way.
Choosing to stay at home with our children at first seemed like a really easy decision. I felt lucky that I didn't have to wake each work day, rush to get myself put together to look professional, teach six class periods, meet with parents, plan lessons and so on. But then once I was in the thick of mothering, I decided it was not the fairy tale I had envisioned and seriously contemplated backtracking and to re-enter the workforce. However, deep in my soul, I could not feel good about it. Mike and I were fortunate that we could afford to have me stay at home. I had made a decision early on in my youth that I was going to do everything I could to care for my future children AT HOME. Therefore, even though I felt like I was maybe the most miserable human on the planet at that particular time, I could not bring myself to call my principal and say, "Yes, I am coming back to teach next year and put our son in daycare."
The first two years were the hardest, I think. Eventually three more children joined our family and with each one the exponential amount of laundry, dishes and dust. Over time I have grown to cherish my time with our children. But I do forget how much I love being their mom and staying at home with them. Weird, I know.
Let me give you a glimpse of just the last few days to help portray why there is power in the mundane and just being there--being present, being a constant in my children's lives. Monday night at dinner, I asked each child how his/her day was. Usually, I get the, "It was fine." When I asked Jacob, he said, "It was fine." I probed a little more, "Why was it
fine?" His face got a little distorted and he started breathing deep. Tears began to flow, "Actually, it wasn't fine..." Out come a narrative of how he had had no one to sit with at lunch and no one to play with at lunch recess. We talked over his dilemma. His older brother, who really does look out for his little brother, chimed in with some ideas of how to go up to people, along with words of comfort. Soon, Jake was feeling better. My heart was a little heavy and saddened for him. Here my sweet Jake felt like he did not have many friends. The boy whom EVERYONE loves. I don't think he has one enemy on the planet. That night, during another mundane activity of saying our nightly family prayers, we prayed he would find someone to sit with at lunch and play with at recess. He found comfort in that prayer. I loved that his siblings were rallying around him. Usually it is loyal Jake that rallies around his siblings, comforts them, serves them and defends them.
I prayed for Jake in my own personal prayers that night and pleaded with Heavenly Father to support and comfort Jake.
The next day, doing the mundane picking up the kids from
school I was anxious to hear how Jake's day had gone. I casually asked him as we drove home, "So, how was lunch today?"
"It was good. I sat with [insert child's name]."
"Oh, that's good. How about recess?" He replied he had found some kids to play tag
with in his class and seemed okay with that.
We held Family Night that night. Mike and I usually plan it a little bit rather than just shoot from the hip. It was my turn to plan it, but I had been sick all weekend and hadn't felt well enough to get anything together. The power of the mundane was proven again. We began with a song and a prayer and I decided right at that moment that we could talk about the year 2013 and what had transpired in our family over the last twelve months. We all enjoyed bringing up our favorite memories. I pointed out that we had made a big change as a family. We discussed how we all had been scared and nervous to move, but how we all like where we live and are settling in nicely to the neighborhood. I discussed how it showed all of us that we can do difficult things and come out okay. I told each of the kids how grateful I was for them and for Mike. That at the end of this life, there were no other people that I would rather be with. Then we set a goal as a family: to talk nicer to one another. We ate yummy cinnamon rolls and played Ghost in the Graveyard. What is it about a dark house and a hiding person that is so terribly spooky??? The kids sure enjoyed watching their mom scream when the ghost came out. Some of you may not know how easily I can be spooked. I don't think the kids knew either because they giggled quite a bit because of
shrillish screams that escaped my mouth when the ghost suddenly appeared and I had to run for my life to the base. A simple, mundane night. It was one of the most fun we have had in the last month I would venture to say.
Tonight, the final thing I want to write about
illustrates why I am ever so grateful I chose to be the person that has to carry out most of the mundane day-to-day activities just so I can be present. I can be present when the children have a worry or fear they need help with or a joy to share. As I somewhat rushed the kids, but in a nice voice since we all committed to talk nicer to one another, to hurry into the room so we could read the scriptures and pray together and go to bed, Jake started ringing his hands. I knelt down and reached for all the kids hands to start our prayer and Jake looked at me, "Mom, I don't know why, but I just get so scared to go to school at night."
"Really? Why?"
"I
dunno. I just do. "
"What is the thing that you fear the most?"
"Oh, just stuff. I just get scared to go to school the next day."
"
Hmmm...but there must be something that you are scared of more than anything that is making you afraid."
He jumped up and whispered in my ear through a choked voice that he was going to have to go to the principal's office tomorrow. Of course, Jake Jake's whisper voice is like an average person's speaking voice, and everyone heard. Caleb blurted out, "YOU GOT SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!?" I wrapped my arms around Jake as the story came tumbling out. For a long time I couldn't understand a word he said, but eventually through gentle questioning I got the gist of it: He was playing tag with two friends at recess. When he raced after one girl, she ran towards some ice and started sliding. She began sliding and goofing around on the ice, which is a big no no at school. The other friend started doing it, too, and they both taunted Jake and telling him to do it along with them. He blurted out to me, "I knew they wouldn't stop until I did it, so I just did it. That's when the duty guard saw and told me I have to go talk to the principal tomorrow! They were the ones that told me to do it, Mom! I was scared they wouldn't be my friends anymore!" And then the tears really started to flow. We discussed how it doesn't matter what anyone says you still choose what your actions will be. It doesn't matter that the other two children were taunting and had been doing it much more than he. Such a painful lesson, but I'm grateful he is learning it over a decision to play on the ice instead of to take illegal drugs.
Caleb was really great at the big brother thing and offering words of comfort. I had Caleb pretend to be the principal and I played Jake and we showed him how we thought he could handle the situation. Then I played the principal and Jake practiced what he wanted to say.
As I began our family prayer afterward, Caleb whispered to me, "Pray for Jake that he can be brave tomorrow." And then when I was tucking Jake in, Jake asked if he could have the scriptures to read, "Mom, I want to find a story about someone that chose to do the wrong thing, but it worked out in the end." I grabbed some of our scripture story books for him and he asked, "Do you know of any stories in the scriptures like that?" The story about Joseph Smith and relenting to Martin Harris' pleading about taking the 116 translated
Book of Mormon pages came to my mind. This story was perfect. It showed Jake that even a prophet of God cared more about what others thought than what God thought and gave in to someone even though he knew it was wrong. However, Joseph felt terrible for what he had done and had repented and was forgiven. It was kinda cute, though, because Jake tried to say that Martin Harris was the one at fault because he was the one that kept asking Joseph Smith for the translated pages. I got him to see, though, that Joseph had been told by the Lord previously that he was not to show those pages to anyone. And he eventually gave in. Martin ended up losing the pages and drastic consequences occurred because of it.
Sigh. How I love our little brood! How I love their innocence and desire to do right! How I love what they are teaching me. They are helping me become a better person than I could ever be on my own. I am grateful, SO GRATEFUL, I listened to that inner voice and decided to be present for our children. It has not been easy. That is a cliche statement, but it is true. It has been hard to stay committed to doing the mundane, to continually sweep the kitchen floor, do the laundry, buy groceries, bathe little babies, wipe snotty noses, change diaper after diaper after diaper over the last ten years. It still gets my dander up when someone tries to challenge the importance of what I do such as when Caleb asked me the other day, "Mom, will you ever go back to being a scientist?"
My response, "I'm still a scientist!"
He chuckled and said, "But you don't have a REAL job, Mom. I mean, will you ever go back to doing your real important job and doing science again?"
He looked confused, when I responded with, "Hmmph..." and whipped the wet dish towel out of his hands to finish drying the dishes with a determination that he had not witnessed before.
However, I have absolutely NO REGRETS over choosing to become a mother and do these mundane duties. There is so much power in the daily presence a mother gives to her children.
This last week, I have been able to help coach Jake through the simple, but important decision of standing up for who you are even during intense peer pressure, I have taught Caleb how to create a data table and graph to present his findings for his science fair project, I have washed 12 loads of laundry, emptied 15 dishwasher loads, cleaned three toilets, changed 56 diapers, purchased Caleb's asthma medicine, signed Michaela up for gymnastics, given 28 hugs and kisses (wish it was more), played the three musketeers with Em and Michaela, made 21 meals and helped shape four little growing children into hopefully productive, influential members of society. And that Caleb, is the most important REAL job anyone can have.
